


seventeen

by dreamysuns



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 90's Music, 90s highschool fic that Nobody asked for, Alternate Universe - High School, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Autumn, Coming of Age, Football, Light Angst, Multi, Smoking, hyuck is a jock, renjun is a punk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-09-28 10:02:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20424134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamysuns/pseuds/dreamysuns
Summary: “make a wish,” renjun says.donghyuck’s quiet for a few seconds. “i hope i make it onto united’s club football team,” he says.“typical,” renjun snorts. “you have a football shaped heart, i swear to god.”“your turn.”renjun thinks for a moment, his brow furrowing in concentration.“i want to be seventeen forever,” he says.(where donghyuck finds something in renjun huang that changes him.)





	seventeen

the first time donghyuck speaks to renjun is under the bleachers at the football field.

“hey,” donghyuck says, sounding braver than he is. “that’s- that’s not yours.”

renjun had turned around slowly, his arms raised in surrender, cigarette dangling from his mouth. the corner of his mouth is quirked in a smile, even though he’s been caught. “aw. _ fuck. _it was yours?”

“y-yeah,” donghyuck manages. his hand shakes as he points to the varsity jacket zipped up to renjun’s chin. it’s new, the football guys had just given it to him the other day as a welcome gift to the team, and donghyuck had already grown sort of attached to it, since it made his waist look slimmer and his shoulders more broad. on renjun, it drowns him out, dropping past the belt loops of his grimy blue jeans. 

“it’s- it’s mine,” donghyuck continues, his heartbeat quickening, “so… if i could… ” his voice gets smaller as he trails off. “if i could have it back…”

renjun laughs, glancing back behind him as if he’s sharing an inside joke with someone there (there’s no one there). “alright, you got me. fine.”

he’s unzipping the jacket, but donghyuck suddenly feels indecent when renjun’s bare chest is revealed, and he whirls the other direction with a yelp. “oh, _ shit-” _

renjun’s laughing again, this time with more incredulity than before. “holy fuck, dude, relax. i just lost my shirt in a bet.” he sounds slightly annoyed now. “fucking jaemin. fuck.”

donghyuck’s turning back around. “you… don’t have a shirt?”

renjun looks back at him strangely, the varsity jacket half hanging off his bare shoulder. “does it look like i have a fucking shirt, dude?”

“keep it then,” donghyuck says, struggling to keep eye contact with renjun instead of staring downwards. “you can keep it. i have a lot of jackets anyway.”

renjun’s hand freezes on the zipper, his eyebrows raised. “for real?”

donghyuck gives a quick nod. renjun’s face lights up. “are you fucking serious? and i was just going to steal the first jacket i saw hanging on the bleachers!” he beams, the now burnt out cigarette dangling still from between his teeth. “fuck, thanks!” he tugs the letterman, peering at the name stitched over the logo. “lee?”

“you can just call me donghyuck,” donghyuck says before he can stop himself. “uh. yeah. donghyuck.”

renjun gives him one last charismatic grin. “shit, i owe you one, then. you’re new here, right? let’s hang out sometime, donghyuck.”

even after he’s climbed the fence and disappeared, donghyuck stares after, unable to remove the image of his varsity jacket hanging off of renjun’s bare shoulder from his mind. the smell of cigarettes lingers.

when donghyuck returns back to the team, practice is already wrapping up, the rest of the guys bent over their duffels, clearing the field of equipment. jeno raises an eyebrow at donghyuck, his shoulder pads already stripped away and tossed over his shoulder. “what took you so long? did you get whoever you saw snatching your jacket?”

“nah,” donghyuck says. “they got away.” 

—

donghyuck can’t help but feel like he’s being x-rayed as the other three guys give him a once-over, from his neat sweater to his freshly ironed khaki pants all the way down to his blue air jordans he’d just bought the other day. on any other occasion, he’d feel more confident, but next to the other three’s worn and torn converse and dirt-covered denim, he feels out of place. “so yeah… i’m donghyuck lee.”

“aren’t you on the football team?” the bleach blonde one asks suspiciously. _ jaemin, _donghyuck rememberers hazily. “why the fuck are you here?”

“chill, chill,” renjun chortles, jumping down from the tree he’d been perched upon, the leaves crunching as he does. “donghyuck’s cool. he’s new. and he’s on the football team. who gives a shit?”

“i’m just _ wondering,” _ jaemin huffs. “damn. pass me the light, will you?”

donghyuck shifts on the log he’s sitting on rather awkwardly as a lighter is passed around, the familiar smell of smoke hanging in the air. chenle, the other blonde, offers out a pack to donghyuck, an eyebrow raised, but donghyuck shakes his head quickly. so chenle shrugs, pocketing it. 

“fuck…” renjun sighs, leaning against the trunk of one of the surrounding trees. there’s sweat glistening off his cheek, and donghyuck stares, entranced, as he takes another drag of his cigarette, the smoke tumbling from his mouth hypnotizingly.

“you like music?” 

jaemin‘s produced a chunky rectangular box from somewhere, and donghyuck recognizes it as a portable music player. jaemin’s smirks, watching his awestruck expression. “nice, huh? fuck a walkman. this is my older brother’s. the bass is crazy. minidisc. you got any CDs?”

donghyuck shakes his head. jaemin frowns. “what do you listen to?”

“uhh… bon jovi. culture beat.” when jaemin still looks dissatisfied, he tries again. “REM? no doubt?”

“what rock do you live under?” jaemin says incredulously. “are you fucking serious?”

“jaemin, for fuck’s sake, _ relax,” _renjun groans, his voice carrying slightly, and when donghyuck looks up, he realizes renjun has climbed back up his tree, leaning against the trunk, relaxed, his smoke between two fingers. “put on radiohead and leave it alone.”

“sure, chief.”

the music echoes in the small space of the clearing, the air hazy. chenle’s spread his jacket like a picnic blanket on top of the orange leaves, his eyes shut as the five p.m. sun washes over him. jaemin leans against renjun’s tree, his arms behind his head, his eyes half lidded, just as calm as the smoke clouds his face.

from somewhere above, renjun calls out. “donghyuck… get up here.”

donghyuck stumbles to his feet, scampering up the tree rather clumsily, trying his best not to dirty his sweater because he knows he won’t hear the end of it from his mother later. renjun’s made room for him on the branch his legs are hanging off of, and he breaks into a grin when donghyuck carefully lowers himself next to him. “atta boy.” 

renjun offers his smoke out, and donghyuck again refuses. renjun nods, and it goes back between his lips. 

“that’s not good for you,” donghyuck says suddenly.

“bull. why do i feel so damn good, then?” renjun suddenly tips backwards, and donghyuck makes a grab for his shirt with a surprised yell, but a moment later renjun’s legs are still hanging onto the branch, his body hanging off the side instead, upside-down. 

renjun giggles upwards at donghyuck’s shocked expression. “you’re fucking funny, you know that?” his cigarette has somehow survived the change in orientation, held between two fingers as renjun takes another drag. 

“fuck…” renjun’s sighs as the song from jaemin’s minidisc changes, a saccharine melody echoing from the speakers. “this one’s my favorite. you know radiohead?”

“yeah,” donghyuck lies.

“i love this one. talk show host. ‘s like i’m drowning…” renjun’s eyes fall shut too, but he still hangs of the tree branch, swaying slightly. 

“...renjun?”

“he falls asleep like that,” jaemin’s saying from below, his voice slightly raspy. “oy.” donghyuck watches as jaemin flicks his friend in the forehead with his index finger, and renjun jerks awake, finally swinging back up. “fucking _ jaemin,” _he groans, spitting out his cig to the boy below, to which jaemin swears loudly at. 

“i hate you, jun.”

“drink my piss,” renjun retaliates. he turns back to donghyuck, who’s suppressing a smile. “you’re pretty funny too, renjun,” donghyuck tells him. 

renjun blinks, but a smile begins to form on his face too. “yeah, alright,” he snorts. “here’s a funny one. be my fucking pillow, donghyuck.” 

and renjun leans over and drops his head onto donghyuck’s thigh. donghyuck makes to jerk away, surprised at the sudden physical contact, but the sight of the reddish sunlight cascading in shadows over renjun’s face stops him in his tracks. “ah, fuck…” renjun’s muttering, his eyes falling shut again. “that’s… nice.”

his eyelashes are long. donghyuck counts them until it’s dark and he can’t see them anymore. 

—

she has a big smile, dimples in her cheeks, and long wavy brown hair that just reaches her waist, slim from gymnastics, donghyuck supposes. her dainty little hand is extended, waiting, so donghyuck carefully accepts. 

“i’m mina kang.” she flashes a smile. “renjun’s girlfriend.” 

“nice to meet you,” donghyuck says. 

“and you’re donghyuck lee, right? i’ve heard _ so _much about you. you’re new to the area?” donghyuck nods, not feeling talkative. “and you’re close with renjun? helped plan a little bit of this?” another nod. 

donghyuck watches mina grow bored as he gives her several more nonverbal responses. she finally spots a friend of hers near the living room and makes a half formed excuse about them, giving donghyuck a final “it was nice meeting you, though!” before she disappears.

“it sure as hell wasn’t nice to meet you,” donghyuck mutters under his breath, taking a swig of whatever was poured into his cup. the one thing he’ll ever slander renjun about is this- his taste in women. mina’s voice was high pitched and false, gymnastics really was not all that interesting of a sport, and brunettes? really? donghyuck snorts into his cup, leaning against the back wall of the huang’s dining room table, shaking his head to himself.

a moment later, a second woman introduces herself to him, the shape of her eyes familiar and with a widow’s peak shaped exactly like one hairline donghyuck has brushed back millions of times. donghyuck throws the pieces together and straightens up, putting on his best smile as the woman introduces herself as renjun’s mother.

donghyuck shakes her hand firmly, maintaining the eye contact as best he can. “it’s a pleasure to meet you, mrs. huang,” he says with a reassuring smile, and to his delight, mrs. huang eats it all up, returning it with a smile just as bright. 

“renjun _ adores _you,” she gushes, and donghyuck feels his chest swell with pride. “and i’ve seen you at the football games, too. what position do you play, young man?”

“quarterback, ma’am,” donghyuck says, turning up the charm. mrs. huang’s eyes sparkle. 

“i’ve always told renjun to go out for sports,” she tells him informatively, her fingers wiggling about seven glittering rings back at donghyuck as she gesticulates. “he would really be good. productive. you know?”

donghyuck nods along. “i always tell him to _ do _ something with himself,” she continues conversationally. “he thinks he can fool around for the rest of his life, listening to- _ whatever _ that noise is that he listens to,” she adds, her voice now hinting at disgust, but her face still squished into a painful smile. “i tell him to do these things, to _ help _him, but he doesn’t listen. takes my tutoring money and buys guitars.” she snorts, grabbing donghyuck’s cup from his hand, and downs it in one go.

“he ought to be more like you,” mrs. huang gasps as she hands back the now empty glass, wiping the back of her mouth with her wrist. she pats donghyuck’s chest. “tall. smart. handsome.”

“renjun’s already handsome enough,” donghyuck says.

mrs. huang gives a derisive laugh. “not with that cigarette hanging out of his mouth all the damn time he’s not.”

and renjun himself stumbles through the front door a few minutes later, jaemin and chenle on his tail, wearing small smiles as the room lights up, all of its occupants yelling loudly in unison. “surprise!”

“oh, _ fuck-” _

“renjunnie!” 

mina kang’s tumbling into her boyfriend’s arms, the shock at so many people stuffed into his home still evident on renjun’s face as he returns his girlfriend’s kiss with his eyes wide open. donghyuck snickers into his drink at the odd interaction, making a mental note to tease renjun about it at a later time. 

there’s a sound like a suction cup being removed as mina breaks away. “happy birthday, baby,” she tells him tenderly, a shy smile on her face, and the crowd wolf whistles at this, a light red flushing across renjun’s nose.

“oh, babe,” renjun says weakly, setting her down so he can properly take in the state of his house: all thirty-some people packed into his albeit spacious living and dining area, dressed neatly for the occasion. he seems to realize it at the same time as everyone else, as he glances down at his own clothes- his usual grimy jeans, torn up sneakers, and distressed sonic youth t-shirt. donghyuck feels mrs. huang’s eyes widen at the silver chains linked through her son’s belt loops, and she makes a beeline for him immediately. 

“_ change,” _ donghyuck hears her hiss. “ _ now.” _

renjun’s muttering something back to her, his eyebrows furrowed, before turning back to the crowd, an easy smile on his face. “let me go get a different outfit on,” he says, flashing his usual charismatic grin. “until then- party on!” 

the partygoers cheer, mina kisses his cheek for _ god _knows why, and renjun gives a last wave before retreating down the hallway.

“hey.” 

jaemin’s hand is on his wrist. he nods at donghyuck, expressionless. “thanks,” he says plainly. “for helping with this.”

“sure,” donghyuck says, still as taken aback as ever at jaemin’s cool. “it’s- my first time meeting mina. and his mom,” he tacks on as an afterthought. 

jaemin grunts in response, pouring himself a drink. his cup seems to be bottomless. “i’m not too thrilled to be here, to be honest with you. renjun’s family…” jaemin glances upwards, then back down, his voice quieter. “i don’t think they know who he is. at all.” 

“what do you mean?”

“you know him. mina knows him. i know him. _ they _don’t know him.” jaemin looks back up at him, his expression as blank as ever. “you get it?”

“sure,” donghyuck lies. “yeah, i- i get it.” 

jaemin tosses the hair out his eyes, turning back to his drink, which he’s still pouring. “it’s been a while. wonder what he’s doing.”

donghyuck takes the hint and sets his own empty cup down. “i’ll check on him. it’s the third room on the right?”

“the left.” jaemin downs his drink before emerging, his ears tinged red. “i don’t want his mom ruining his fucking birthday.”

donghyuck makes sure mrs. huang doesn’t see him going before he slips out of the boisterous living room and into the noise-muffled hallway, remembering jaemin’s instruction as he counts the doors. he knocks on the appropriate one. “renjun? you alright?”

there’s no answer, so he twists the knob and pushes it open.

renjun’s hand is running up the backside of a white miniskirt, the other tangled through some chestnut colored locks while a cig holds itself together in the same hand. a light whimpering sound echoes throughout the room while mina kang grinds into her boyfriend’s lap, oblivious, and it’s only when renjun lazily opens an eye a moment later to groan out her name that he sees donghyuck, throwing mina off his lap with a yelp. “_ holy shit-” _

mina whines, rolling over in renjun’s bed, before she too sees donghyuck in the doorway and covers her chest, shrieking. “oh my _ god-” _

“sorry, sorry,” renjun’s saying hurriedly, rushing over to his dresser and pulling out a jacket, throwing it over mina’s shoulder haphazardly. “here-”

“what the fu- we’re just gonna _ stop? _” mina says incredulously, shoving her bra strap back up on her shoulder under one of renjun’s denim bomber jackets. donghyuck turns around and stares at renjun’s pearl jam poster instead, which he’s suddenly found to be extremely interesting.

“later, later,” renjun’s murmuring behind him, and then mina’s giggling, whispering something back, when the door finally clicks closed, mina is gone. 

donghyuck turns back around. “i thought you were changing clothes.”

renjun’s lighting back up, cupping the end of his cigarette with his hand for efficiency. his t-shirt is gone save a white tank top, but his grimy jeans are still secured around his waist, the buckle undone. “yeah, i was. with my girlfriend. shit, sorry you had to see that, by the way.”

“it’s fine,” donghyuck says, but his face feels hot and he knows exactly why. “just- wanted to check on you. jaemin was saying your mom-”

renjun snorts, smoke swirling from between his lips as he crashes back onto the bed. “i’m fine. all she asked me to do was change_ .” _

he’s still sitting there, in his same clothes from before.

renjun reads the unamused eyebrow raise donghyuck gives him a moment later. “_ fuck _ you, lee!” he says, chucking his now burnt out smoke at him, which donghyuck sidesteps easily. “i wanted some time with mina. so what? i barely fucking see her. you know that. you probably didn’t meet her until today, huh?”

“yeah. i knew her from when you’d talk about her, though. she seems nice.” donghyuck changes the subject. “but come on, change clothes already. we’re waiting on you downstairs.”

renjun sighs, falling backwards on his bed. “fuck it. i don’t want to. you planned this surprise, or whatever?”

“it was mostly your mom.”

“‘course it fucking was. she probably loves you, huh?”

“well, she reached out to me first, so _ maybe _ ,” donghyuck says teasingly, sitting next to his friend on the bedspread. “she said you _ adored _me.”

“i do,” renjun says unexpectedly, and donghyuck feels his easy smile sliding off his face, his heartbeat stuttering. “you’re the boy everyone dreams of. pretty face, perfect body. quarterback. straight A’s. two-seater car.” he exhales smoke. “you’re my mom’s wet dream.”

“ew.”

“not like _ that, _fuck. like- you know what i mean? you’re… everything my mom wants from me,” renjun explains. “you’re everything i’ll never be. and i admire you, hyuck, i really fucking do.”

“... thanks,” donghyuck says weakly. 

“look at you!” renjun’s sprung of the bed, pulling donghyuck by the hand with him. “look at this- this sweater- louis?”

“burberry.”

renjun’s circling him now, tugging at the loops of donghyuck’s designer jeans. “and look at the rest of you. perfect curls. big shoulders. long legs. no wonder all the panties drop when you walk by.”

“you’re the one with a girlfriend, though,” donghyuck points out.

“my mom doesn’t like her,” renjun says darkly. “mina has her ass out of her skirt nearly all the time- which i don’t object to,” he adds, throwing donghyuck a wink, “but even though i love that girl to pieces- she’s not my mom’s type. _ you’re _my mom’s type.”

donghyuck laughs, scratching the back of his neck where it’s suddenly burning. “you- you sound like you want me to be your girlfriend.”

“you might as well be. only difference is mina doesn’t get on my ass for the camels.”

renjun’s flopping back onto the bed, facedown this time. “_ i don’t want to go to my fucking party!” _ he’s yelling, but the mattress muffles his voice, and it comes out half as loud as it should be. “ _ fuck!” _

“come on, man. you’re an adult now. you can’t act like this. on _ your _day of all days.”

“_ i don’t wanna be a fucking adult.” _ his voice is still squashed by the bedsheets. “ _ i wanna live forever.” _

donghyuck laughs, giving renjun’s back a slap. “you’re all smoked out. come on. sooner we get the party over with, the sooner you can come back up here and do nothing.”

_ “ugh. don’t fucking wanna.” _

“what do you want to do?”

_ “stay here with you.” _

there’s nothing donghyuck wants to do more than that. “let’s go, renjun,” his voice says instead, betraying him. “come on.”

renjun lifts his face from the sheets by a micrometer, his eye meeting donghyuck’s. “_ make _me.”

there’s something about those two words that flips some sort of switch in donghyuck, and in a split second donghyuck’s tossing renjun over his shoulder, fireman style. renjun yells, thrashing. “fuck_ , fuck _ ! uncle, uncle, god _ fuck-” _

but they’re both laughing as donghyuck collapses onto back onto the bed, renjun’s limbs still tangled with his. “you need to stop working out,” renjun’s gasping, catching his breath once he’s come down. “goddamn.”

“will you change clothes now?”

“if i must. pick something for me, will you?”

donghyuck picks a white button down shirt that renjun claims is too itchy, and a pair of clean burgundy pants that bring out the colors in renjun’s eyes, donghyuck thinks.

renjun’s face is scrunched up. “i… i can’t do this.”

his fingers are tangled in his tie. donghyuck chuckles at the scene. “here.”

their fingers brush together as donghyuck does the tie properly, pushing the knot up to his collar. “too tight?”

“i don’t fucking know.” renjun’s staring over donghyuck’s shoulder at the mirror behind him. “i look like shit.”

donghyuck turns to face the mirror too. they’re a sight: donghyuck in his navy sweater, clean, his hair gelled perfectly out of his eyes, next to renjun, who’s all overgrown brown hair, stuck up collar, and under eye shadows. “i look like my mom’s doll.”

“that’s good?”

“for _ her.” _renjun’s trembling. “i need a smoke-”

“that’ll make it worse with your mom. hey. look.” donghyuck steps in front of the mirror, blocking it off. “i picked those clothes. not her. you look handsome.” the compliment rolls off his tongue before he can stop himself. 

“can you stay by my side tonight?” 

the question takes donghyuck by surprise. “huh?”

“stay with me,” renjun repeats. “she likes you, right? i just-” he lets out a shaky laugh. “this sounds so fucking stupid-”

“no, i’ll do it,” donghyuck finds himself saying. “i’ll stay by your side. i don’t care.”

donghyuck cares a lot, and later, he keeps his promise. he’s the last person to leave.

—

donghyuck slams the football into the turf, the crowd erupting, and jeno’s tackling him, screaming into his ear, their helmets bumping, and then yangyang’s on top of them, wailing into donghyuck’s shoulder pads, then dejun, and hyunjoon, and sunwoo, the rest of the team following, yelling and screeching and _ bawling _. 

“_ we fucking did it,” _ jeno’s sobbing, his helmet ripped away in the commotion, his sweaty blonde hair sticking to his forehead, his eye black smeared all over his cheeks. “ _ fuck-” _

a golden trophy is passed to donghyuck, and it’s only then that the reality hits. donghyuck tears away his helmet, and _ yells _, triumphant, hoisting the cup into the air, and everyone screams with him as he’s shoved up onto dejun’s shoulders, and donghyuck sees the top of the world for the first time.

“_ donghyuck!” _

hazy with adrenaline, donghyuck turns dully towards the voice, but he feels his cheeks grow hot when he sees renjun perched on an amused chenle’s shoulders on the other side of the field instead. he’s beaming, drowned out in donghyuck’s varsity jacket. “_ that’s my fucking boy!” _ he screams. _ “donghyuck lee! _you did it!”

donghyuck’s moving as if on autopilot, leaping down from dejun’s shoulders as renjun does the same, tearing across the field. donghyuck lets renjun tackle him down at the 90-yard line, laughing.

“look at you,” renjun breathes, his hands on donghyuck’s chest. “fuck. i’m so fucking proud of you.”

“thought you weren’t coming,” donghyuck croaks, his voice raspy, but he’s unable to wipe the dumb smile off his face anyway. “i thought-”

“i came. i saw you catch the ball, and run all the way to the end, score the winning point-”

“the winning touchdown.” 

“same _ shit, _ goddammit-” renjun blows his bangs out of his eyes, grayish wisps of smoke following, but his eyes are still as bright. “same shit- but that was you. you did it. you worked hard, and it paid off, and i’m fucking _ proud _of you, fuck!”

“couldn’t have done it without the team,” donghyuck says honestly. “or you.”

“i didn’t do shit. i hate football.” renjun’s climbed off, offering his hand out, which donghyuck takes, and a moment later, he’s pulled to his feet too. “i didn’t do shit. but i’m your biggest fan.” 

donghyuck stares at him, his mind blank. the words echo in his head. biggest fan?

“oy, hyuck!”

dejun’s waving him over. renjun nods, giving him a small smile. “_ go. _it’s your night.”

donghyuck hesitates, his feet seemingly stuck into the ground, but renjun’s raising an eyebrow at him expectantly, so he allows himself to walk back towards the rest of the team. 

“afterparty. my place,” yangyang’s telling the other guys excitedly. “we’ll get drinks, i got lia inviting the cheer team-” his face lights up.“aw, _ hyuck-!” _

the rest of the guys are whooping loudly as donghyuck rejoins them, punching his shoulder pads and mussing up his sweaty hair, laughing. “the man, the myth, the _ legend,” _dejun says dramatically, and donghyuck shakes his head, slightly flustered, but proud.

“stop it, stop it,” he tells them, his cheeks heating up. “i- we’re a team, remember?”

“man, _ whatever. _ transferring here out of nowhere, making QB as a newbie. and now the championship touchdown? don’t bullshit me. you’re the _ shit. _”

“alright,” donghyuck says finally, when the rest of the team makes loud noises of agreement. “maybe- maybe i am the-”

“he’s gonna swear!” dejun yells gleefully, but not before donghyuck hits him the back of the head, his face completely red now, and the team howls with laughter. 

“okay, okay,” dejun gasps, clutching hyunjoon’s shoulder for support a moment later when the hysterics have calmed down. “fuck. so- afterparty? everyone cool?”

donghyuck glances over his shoulder. most of the crowd has cleared off, but renjun’s leaning against one of the goalposts a few yards down, his face only dimly illuminated by a yellowish lamppost and the light hanging between his lips, as usual. 

“donghyuck? afterparty?”

“sorry,” he says, turning back around, apologetic. “my friend is waiting on me. so... maybe next time.”

“who?”

donghyuck looks at sunwoo, surprised. sunwoo’s expression is stony. “who’s your friend?”

yangyang’s giggling into jeno’s shoulder. “fuck, dude, don’t tell me it’s _ him…” _

“who?” donghyuck asks, feeling suddenly tense, his adrenaline gone.

“_ him.” _yangyang jerks his head in the direction of the lamppost, where renjun is now re-lighting his stick. “that punky kid. huang. always ditching class and breaking dress code.”

donghyuck stares at the disgust written all across his teammates faces. “i don’t understand.”

dejun frowns. “that’s right… you _ are _friends with him, aren’t you?”

“i see those two after school hanging near the forest.”

“you smoke, lee? jesus fuck, i thought you were better.”

donghyuck’s grip on the metal guard of his helmet tightens. “i don’t smoke,” he says. “and he’s not a punk. he’s my friend.”

the team suddenly bursts out in simultaneous laughter. for some reason, donghyuck fails to grasp what exactly is so funny. hyunjoon’s wheezing. “you really are the shit, hyuck,” he gasps, whacking donghyuck in the shoulderpads. “your _ friend, _oh my god-”

“you don’t have to hang out with him anymore, you know. you have us now.” dejun’s clapping him on the back, his tone reassuring, but donghyuck feels anything but assured. “seriously. you’re not new anymore. that kid is weird as fuck. you’ll get stupid if you hang around brainless fuckers like him.”

there’s blood pounding in donghyuck’s ears. “don’t talk about him like that.”

“it’s the fucking _ truth,” _ yangyang’s snorting. “he’s a damn _ freak- _”

“his girlfriend is asking for it, too… no fucking respect.”

sunwoo says something, calls renjun a name, and the whole team is cracking up even harder. donghyuck feels dizzy. 

“hey,” jeno’s voice is speaking up suddenly, and the team sobers up. “that’s enough… donghyuck?”

jeno’s snapping his fingers in front of donghyuck’s eyes. donghyuck looks at him. his eyebrows are raised in concern. “you alright? you’re zoning out.”

“don’t… don’t talk about renjun,” he manages. “stop.”

yangyang stifles a laugh. hyunjoon raises an eyebrow. “so you _ are _ friends with that f-”

“don’t say that word anymore,” jeno says sharply. he turns back to donghyuck. “you don’t have to come to the after party. it’s your night, do it however you want.”

dejun’s smile is fading fast. “what- what? what the fuck? no, he can’t. not with that-_ ” _

“shut up, dejun,” jeno says. dejun does, his mouth clamping shut, red flushing in his cheeks. jeno turns back to hyuck. “do whatever you want, man. you won tonight. celebrate how you like.”

so donghyuck turns on his heel and walks straight over to where renjun is still leaning against the lamppost. renjun looks up when he hears him coming, his mouth quirking. “finally- _ hey!” _

donghyuck’s shoved his helmet over renjun’s head. “c’mon. we’re leaving.”

“my _ cig, _” renjun’s whining through the visor. “it fell out, damn you.”

“you can have another one in the car.”

renjun’s eyes light up. “really? you’ll let me smoke in your car?”

“just tonight. where’d chenle go?”

“grabbed a cheerleader ten minutes ago and drove off.”

“so let’s leave then,” donghyuck says. “right now.”

renjun frowns. “what’s wrong with you? did you say goodbye to your teammates yet?”

“no.” donghyuck grabs renjun’s wrist and tugs him in the direction of the parking lot. “don’t care. let’s go.”

“hey... hyuck, hey, cool off,” renjun’s stammering as donghyuck nearly drags him to his car, half stumbling. “hey- are you- hyuck?”

donghyuck’s forearm is propped against the doorframe as he leans on it, his energy suddenly drained. he feels dizzy, the cement of the parking lot ground swirling in his eyes as he stares at it.

“donghyuck... hey, are you okay?”

renjun’s hand is ghosting over his waist. donghyuck’s managed to look up at him. he looks so small, drowning still in donghyuck’s letterman, the oversized football helmet flattening his bangs, but not hiding the way his eyes are round in concern. he’s so worried. 

“what’s wrong?”

“nothing,” donghyuck whispers.

“look at me. hey.” renjun sweeps some of the sweaty hair sticking to his forehead out of his eyes. “what’s wrong?”

“i… i’m gonna quit football.” the words are coming out of his mouth all at once. “i- i don’t want to play anymore. i can’t play anymore. i can’t.”

“what are you talking about? you love football. hyuck, you _ just _won the championship game-”

“they called you- they called you _ names,” _ donghyuck bursts. he hears how distraught he sounds as his voice echoes in the nearly empty parking lot, but he can’t help it. “they were- i thought they were my friends, i thought they were my _ team _, and i loved them, but they said- they said...”

“...you’re too nice.” renjun’s giving a hollow laugh, looking away. “everybody says that about me. they say that about jaemin and chenle too. fucking everyone says that. we don’t care. i don’t care.”

“but it’s not- _ you’re _not-”

“it doesn’t bother me. i will be the same damn piece of shit for the rest of my life, nothing they say will affect me,” renjun says simply. “i don’t care if they think i’m stupid or if they think my girlfriend is a whore. i’m not, and mina is an angel with the ass of aphrodite herself.”

donghyuck laughs at that. “i... i suppose.”

renjun laughs too, smoke tumbling from his mouth as he does. “now that you’re not worried over that stupid little thing, will you take of your gear and drive already? i could eat a fucking horse right now.”

“i… i should’ve gone to the locker room,” donghyuck realizes.

“change right here.”

“what?”

renjun’s looking at him expectantly. “right here. change.”

donghyuck feels his cheeks flush when he realizes what his friend is implying. “no.”

renjun’s cigarette twitches between his lips. “c’mon. you’ve seen me without a shirt countless times. you shy?”

not one to step down from a challenge, donghyuck shucks away his jersey, then his shoulder pads, tossing them somewhere in the backseat.

renjun wolf-whistles, his eyes on donghyuck’s lower body. “_ christ _, look at you!” donghyuck feels cold fingers tickle his sides and he yells, jerking away. renjun’s giggling. “so sensitive, hyuck, fuck.”

“you- _ stop,” _ donghyuck tries, his face hot, and when renjun shrugs, stepping away, he finally shoves a white t-shirt on. 

he drops into the driver’s seat a moment later, slamming the door shut after him. renjun’s grinning next to him. “can we talk about your six-pack, or-”

donghyuck shoves renjun’s face into the dashboard, but he’s fine. he’s wearing donghyuck’s helmet, still. 

“even if you still decide to quit football,” renjun’s saying, once he’s gotten all his laughter out, “i still am proud of you. really. i hope you don’t quit. you play well.”

“i thought you hated football,” donghyuck says as he turns around to pull out of the parking spot.

“i do,” he hears renjun reply. “i love you, though.”

donghyuck’s heartbeat stutters to a stop. words don’t come out of his mouth. he whirls around to face renjun, but renjun’s busied himself with the radio, twiddling the knobs. “fuck, i love this song!” he says excitedly.

donghyuck closes his mouth. a small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “turn up the volume,” he tells renjun. 

renjun does. they skip dinner and drive until 4 a.m.

—

when renjun ad-libs, he leans into mina’s mic instead of jaemin’s. they sing a line together, without breaking eye contact, give each other silly little grins, and when renjun crosses his eyes to get her to laugh her words instead of singing them, it doesn’t ruin the tune at all. they’re a perfect harmony.

as the final notes echo in chenle’s garage, renjun presses his lips to mina’s mic and says “_ thank you ver’ muchhh _” in his elvis presley voice, and mina laughs, hitting him in the shoulder with the sleeve of her oversized windbreaker, which donghyuck knows is renjun’s because he bought it for him. 

“how were we?” jaemin calls to donghyuck. 

“great,” donghyuck says from his spot on the couch, shooting them a thumbs-up. he has his algebra homework spread out on chenle’s coffee table, and he’s not in the band, but he hasn’t missed a single rehearsal anyway.

“ahh, my fucking- my fucking d-string was out of tune. too sharp.”

chenle rolls his eyes at jaemin’s pickiness, tossing his drumsticks over his shoulder. renjun, who’s been fooling around with his girlfriend since the song ended, lifts his head from where it’s buried in mina’s chest. “it was fine. i didn’t even notice, goddamn.”

“_ i _noticed,” jaemin huffs, propping his leg up on a nearby wooden stool so he can tune his instrument. “can we- take five? it doesn’t sound right.”

“okay, yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night.” renjun pulls on his guitar strap so that his instrument moves from his front to his back so he can kiss mina properly. mina squeals, cupping renjun’s cheek as he leans in. donghyuck tears his eyes away and stares at a random equation.

“mmm... is that new chapstick?”

chenle makes a vomiting noise from behind the drum kit and shoves past the couple immediately, his face twisted. renjun glares at his retreating back, the girl in his arms looking just as dissatisfied. “fuck you, zhong! maybe if you stuck to one cheerleader at a time you wouldn’t act like you had a fucking stick up your ass twenty four seven.”

chenle shows renjun his middle finger as he plops down next to donghyuck on the couch. 

“hi,” donghyuck says awkwardly, putting his pencil down. he’s never spoken to chenle alone before, much less heard him speak.

chenle gives him a short nod, his eyebrow raised as he jerks his head towards the papers spread across the table. 

“algebra homework,” donghyuck says. the disgusted look returns to chenle’s face. donghyuck frowns. “it’s not so bad. once you understand the concepts…”

chenle shrugs, neutral. he leans in, and donghyuck mimics him, thinking he would finally hear his voice, but chenle just wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, his eyes darting back towards the happy couple.

“renjun?” donghyuck asks him confusedly. chenle nods, a grin on his face. he wiggles his eyebrows again.

“what about…?”

chenle just nods again, his suggestive grin widening, as if to say _ you know. _he puckers his lips, making kissy sounds.

“mina?” donghyuck tries. chenle shakes his head, then jabs a finger into donghyuck’s hockey jersey, his eyebrow raised expectantly.

“...me?” 

chenle nods vigorously, beaming, but donghyuck still doesn’t get it. “i don’t understand. me? mina?”

chenle groans, flopping back against the couch, having apparently given up. “i’m sorry!” donghyuck says defensively. “maybe- maybe if you wrote it down-”

chenle waves him off, rolling his eyes. he stands abruptly, clapping his hands to get the attention of the other three. 

there’s an obscene sound as renjun pulls away from mina’s mouth, his hand still up her shirt. “what?” he asks unamusedly, but as soon as he sees chenle by the door, his eyes light up. “oh, you want to go for a drive?”

chenle nods. “you’re tired of sitting around?” jaemin asks, earning another nod. “you wanna have a smoke break?”

chenle’s nodding again, grinning. “smoke break!” renjun confirms triumphantly, lifting mina by the waist and spinning her around once before setting her down, the both of them giggling. 

jaemin sets down his bass frustratedly, a hand running through his silvery hair. “fuck, okay. i needed one. my car or yours, lele?”

chenle holds up his hand, wiggling five fingers. jaemin frowns. “you’re right, mine can’t seat five. guess it’s yours, then.”

  
  


chenle takes the drivers seat as he should, and when jaemin takes the passenger, donghyuck’s left to awkwardly climb into the back of chenle’s pickup with renjun and mina.

“there’s no way this is legal,” he says to nobody in particular as he settles in, pulling his knees to his chest. the truck vibrates as chenle starts it up. 

“relax,” renjun snorts, tossing him a blanket. “no one’s gonna see. it’s dark. and chenle’s a good driver.”

mina cups her hand around a cigarette as she lights it up, and once she’s successful, she offers the pack to donghyuck. 

renjun beats him to it. “he doesn’t smoke,” he says casually, squeezing himself between the two. “fucking jocks.”

“i heard you quit the school football team,” mina says in a hushed voice as chenle begins to pull the truck out of the driveway. “did you really quit?”

donghyuck nods. “i’m trying out for a club team. the team school isn’t really my type… you know, coaching styles and whatnot,” he adds on hastily.

renjun pulls a fuzzy patterned blanket over the three of them, his own smoke balanced between his teeth. “still don’t know why the fuck you did,” he says, shaking his head. you’re a star. you shone on that fucking field.”

“just felt like it, i guess...”

“babe, tell them to turn up the volume.”

mina throws a pebble at the window separating them from chenle and jaemin, the latter turning around at the sound, disgruntled. “turn it- _ up-” _she mouths, pointing at the air. jaemin rolls down his window and fiddles with a knob on the dashboard, and a second later, pearl jam is blasting out into the night air, a sound that donghyuck is finally familiar with after being friends with renjun for so long.

mina’s singing along, her voice pretty. “_ sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of day…” _

renjun’s got a foolish look on his face as he watches her. he’s painfully in love, donghyuck thinks, smiling to himself. mina’s singing to her boyfriend now, smoke dancing out from between her lips as she loops her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, and as she whispers a final line renjun plucks the stick out from between her mouth and kisses her, slowly and lovingly, not at all like the playful ones he’d given her in chenle’s garage. 

donghyuck turns away, pleased that his friend had something lovely to share with mina. he stares at the blurry houses that pass by, illuminated only by a few yellowish streetlights, and wonders vaguely if he could ever share something so sweet with someone.

he decides that it wouldn’t be possible.

“hyuck, look at this…”

renjun’s grinning from ear to ear, mina’s cigarette still held in his other hand. he nods at the sleeping girl next to him, her head lolled onto renjun’s shoulder, and in the dark donghyuck can still make out a bit of drool hanging from the corner of her mouth. 

renjun’s beaming. “isn’t she the cutest?”

“she is,” donghyuck says automatically.

“i’m gonna marry this girl,” renjun sighs, his hands behind his head as he leans backwards. “i think i’m in love with her, hyuck, i really am.” 

“is that so? yesterday you said you were in love with your new guitar, the day before that you said you were in love with that song by third eye blind, and last week you said you were in love with your cheeseburger.”

“i retract none of those statements,” renjun says. donghyuck rolls his eyes even though he’s grinning. “i have a lot of love in me, hyuck, you should know that by now. i have more than enough to go around.”

“how about school? is there enough love in you to love that?”

“why, you- you sassy son of a bitch,” renjun says ruefully, and donghyuck laughs. 

“kidding, renjun. classrooms never looked good on you anyway.”

“what looks good on me?”

donghyuck thinks for a moment. “your guitar,” he says finally. “in school- when you’re there- you look a million years old. you look the youngest when you’re singing and playing.”

renjun’s face glows at the compliments. “i guess i’m planning to be young for the rest of my life, then!”

and suddenly he’s standing up right there in the back of the moving truck, mina’s head dropping onto donghyuck instead as he does. _ “renjun-” _ donghyuck yelps, struggling to keep his voice low as to not wake mina. 

“_ relax, _ ” renjun’s saying in that voice of his, the usual charismatic smile playing at his lips as he holds his arms out for balance. “i just want to feel some wind- oh, _ fuck yeah-!” _

renjun’s grin spreads as he holds his arms out, his eyes shut as the wind curls through his hair and jacket. “_ yeah!” _ he yells, and he stumbles backwards a bit when the truck jolts, but balances himself out quickly, yelling at the top of his lungs once more. “fuck- _ fuck yeah!” _

“get _ down _ ,” donghyuck hisses, but he can’t make himself get up, out of both fear and as to not disturb mina. “renjun- _ you’re gonna get hurt, _the neighborhood’s gonna wake up-”

“neighborhood?” and renjun turns, staring at his surroundings, before letting out a loud laugh as he observes nothing but mansions all around. “ah shit- we’re in the rich section of town-” 

and if anything, he screams louder. “_ fuck you!” _ he yells at the sky. “fuck! fuck _ everything _!”

it’s a miracle mina hasn’t woken up. “_ renjun-” _

renjun swears at the world, at the universe, at his parents- both of them- at God, at rich people, at racists, at his teachers, and at bad weather, for fuck’s sake. he’s run out of breath and injustices in a matter of minutes, and finally collapses back next to donghyuck, panting.

“fuck,” donghyuck says without thinking. “that was a lot.”

renjun gawks at him, a bead of sweat sliding down his temple. “you- did you just swear?”

donghyuck blinks, and then clamps a hand over his mouth, horrified. “you didn’t hear that-”

renjun laughs gleefully. “oh my _ god, _donghyuck lee said a motherfucking cuss word! for the first time ever, what do you know?”

donghyuck’s pressed his interlaced fingers to his forehead, mumbling a quick plead for forgiveness, before looking back up at his friend, glaring. “knock it off,” he says. “it just- slipped. you said it about a thousand times just now.”

“i can’t believe i just witnessed your first swear,” renjun sighs, leaning back, dreamy. “what a historical moment.”

“it- it wasn’t the first time,” donghyuck admits.

renjun shoots back up. “you’re fucking lying. when?”

donghyuck thinks back, and then flushes as he recalls the exact instant. “it was- under the bleachers… the first time we met.”

“when you saw me without my shirt?”

donghyuck looks at him. renjun’s face is going red with his effort to keep his laugh in, and donghyuck hits him upside the head immediately and with no regret. _ “ow, _ fuck! okay, okay, i mean- it’s understandable, it was _ me, _ and- _ don’t hit me again, dammit- _”

once donghyuck’s face feels less heated and the both of them are calmed down, renjun brings mina’s nearly unused cigarette to his lips and takes a drag. “i don’t think i’ve ever sworn that much in my life before just now, though.” he blows smoke into the air. “fuck.”

“that was a lot.”

“i think _ i’m _ a lot.”

donghyuck agrees. renjun’s a lot, but that’s why he likes him. 

“you have a lot to say. i wish more people would listen to you.”

renjun snorts. “tell that to my mom.”

“no, not listen like that. there’s a lot to learn from you.” 

renjun stares at him. “learn from _ me? _ i’m stupid as all fuck, donghyuck, do you know that? you’re way smarter than me, straight-A lee.”

donghyuck frowns, opening his mouth, but renjun cuts him off. “sometimes i wonder why you’re friends with me,” he says abruptly. “i’m stupid, yeah, but not that stupid. you- you’re a football player, you have perfect grades and a perfect family, you’re so handsome too. so perfect. and yet, you hang around _ me.” _

“so?” donghyuck says, unable to stop himself. “i like you. i like being friends with you.”

“yes, and i like you too, but _ why?” _renjun sounds almost frustrated now, his hand raking through his hair. “it- it doesn’t make any sense, and yet, i feel like- like i…” donghyuck’s hanging on to renjun’s every word. “like we… you’ve done so much for me, and i love you, donghyuck. i love you. you’re a dream. ” his voice is desperate. “but you’re a dream, and i am the cigarette ash on the bottom of your chucks. do you understand?” 

donghyuck understands, but- “i don’t,” he says instead. “if i’m a dream, then so are you. you’ve done just as much for me. i wouldn’t be who i am, as perfect as you say, if i didn’t meet you this year. i’m serious.”

“swear to god,” renjun says.

“i swear to god,” donghyuck repeats. “you changed me for the better and you’re always changing me. that’s what i love you for.”

the confession slips out of his mouth before he realizes, but renjun just smiles back at him, all teeth and dimples. “okay. i love you too.”

donghyuck’s heart clenches, a horrible and fantastic feeling as he stares back at his friend. before he can act on it, though, renjun’s face lights up, pointing somewhere above donghyuck’s head. “holy shit hyuck, look!”

donghyuck squints back up at the night sky, then feels his heart stop. a glittering array of brightly lit meteors flit across the sky, flashing in and out. “woah.” 

“make a wish,” renjun says. 

donghyuck’s quiet for a few seconds. “i hope i make it onto united’s club football team,” he says.

“typical,” renjun snorts. “you have a football shaped heart, i swear to god.”

“your turn.”

renjun thinks for a moment, his brow furrowing in concentration. he looks up, and then looks around: at chenle and jaemin in the front, and then at his girlfriend who’s still fast asleep, and then finally at donghyuck. and then he looks back up at the sky.

“i want to be seventeen forever,” he says.

—

the last time donghyuck sees renjun is the day he leaves. donghyuck’s just finished helping chenle load all of the band’s materials into the back of the truck, but renjun’s still nowhere to be found. 

jaemin checks his watch, annoyed, leaning against the driver’s side door. “where the fuck are they?”

and as if on cue, renjun and mina come stumbling out of the garage, obviously tipsy. mina’s ears are tinted red. “s-sorry,” she slurs, flashing jaemin a grin. “we’re here now-”

jaemin rolls his eyes. “get the fucking truck, kang.”

mina salutes him, her eyes slightly crossed, before climbing clumsily into the backseat. 

and now jaemin turns to donghyuck, his eyes a bit forlorn. “guess this is it.” he holds out his hand, and donghyuck shakes it.

“thanks for everything,” donghyuck tells him. “the band’s going to do amazing.”

jaemin gives him a nod and a small smile, as cool as ever as he tosses the silvery hair out of his eyes one last time. “thanks, hyuck. see you around.”

jaemin’s just climbing into the passenger seat when chenle nearly tackles donghyuck in a hug next, smelling like cigarettes and musk. he’s grinning big as he pulls away, and donghyuck can’t help but smile back, chenle’s mood contagious.

“bye, pal,” donghyuck says, grinning. “thanks for being there.”

chenle’s making kissy faces, pinching donghyuck’s cheeks, before donghyuck shoves him away, laughing. “oh, you really- stop it, chenle.”

chenle gives him a final wink before climbing into the driver’s seat, joining jaemin. 

and now donghyuck’s left to bid renjun goodbye, who stands awkwardly on the sidewalk in a gray tank top and his hands shoved into his ratty jeans, seemingly sober in contrast to his girlfriend. he’s staring at his sneakers, reluctant. “i guess…” and then he looks up at donghyuck through his curly bangs, troubled. “i guess this the part where i say goodbye to my best friend.”

“don’t say that,” donghyuck says, but his heart hurts just as much. “it’s not goodbye forever.”

“ah, we shouldn’t have taken up this tour,” renjun sighs, blowing the hair out of his eyes. he’s referring to the tour he and the others are currently about to embark on, travelling across the country while opening for a semi-famous band donghyuck forgets the name of. it means the four of them are leaving just before spring to do so. “it’s not worth it. god, i want to stay.”

donghyuck’s eyes bug out of his head. “you- you want to stay _ here?” _

renjun laughs hollowly, lighting a cigarette in his cupped hands. “you’re right, i’d rather die than deal with my fucking mother. i take it back. i…” he takes a drag, then exhales, looking away. “i just don’t want to leave you, hyuck. fuck...” 

“you won’t be gone forever,” donghyuck says, mustering up a smile. “it’s only a few months long, isn’t it?”

renjun kicks a pebble at the ground. “_ only a few. _i can’t go a fucking day without seeing your stupid face at least once, do you know that?”

“you have photos. my jacket-”

“photos aren’t the same, _ damn you,” _renjun groans, a hand raking through his hair. “and i returned your jacket. it’s your only football jacket from the season, i know you probably wanted it back, so it’s in your car-”

“what? _ no, _i wanted you to have that-”

“funny, so did i,” renjun says back, his eyes glinting. “it’s yours. keep it. i even put a little note in pocket.”

“...thanks, renjun,” donghyuck says weakly. “i’ll read it every day.”

renjun gives him a sad smile in return, cigarette dangling between his lips. “i know you will.” 

he lifts an arm, and donghyuck leans into it automatically. and for what seems like forever, donghyuck holds his friend in his arms. the late autumn afternoon sun burns at his back while renjun’s face is buried into his chest, his forehead pressed right against donghyuck’s beating heart, unable to meet his friend’s eyes. “goodbye, hyuck,” he croaks.

“goodbye, renjun,” donghyuck whispers into renjun’s curls. 

renjun breaks away, wiping hastily at his eyes, which donghyuck pretends to miss. “ah, why is this- why is it like we’re seeing each other for the last time?”

“it’s not.” it feels like it is, and donghyuck hates the uneasy feeling that grows in his stomach. 

“donghyuck…” renjun’s staring at him like he’s everything in the world, his eyes full of every emotion, his bottom lip trembling. “i love you. fuck, i love you so much, i don’t know what the fuck i’m gonna do without you-”

“you’ll be okay,” donghyuck hears himself say, his voice low as he pushes the hair out of renjun’s eyes, but it hurts, everything hurts, and he doesn’t know what he’ll do without renjun either. “you’ll be okay.”

renjun reaches out to touch his cheek, his thumb drawing a circle into his skin, and donghyuck holds his wrist there, his throat dry as renjun stares galaxies into his eyes, his expression as intense as always, but with a different kind of emotion, their noses almost touching. 

“fuck,” renjun whimpers, biting into his bottom lip. “you- _ fuck, _hyuck-”

and someone’s honking the horn of the truck a few feet away, donghyuck nearly jumping out of his skin at the sudden noise. “_ hurry up, jun!” _jaemin’s voice is calling out, impatient.

renjun turns back to donghyuck, tearful. “dammit, donghyuck, there’s so many things i need to tell you- there’s so many things- it was too fucking short-”

“don’t worry,” donghyuck tells him instead, trying to sound brave, but his voice cracks anyway, betraying him. “don’t worry. it’ll be okay, renjun.”

“_ fuck,” _ renjun whispers. “fuck, fuck, i- hyuck, you always say i changed you. you always say that, right?” it’s all coming out in a rush, so donghyuck nods along. “but- the truth is- _ you’re _the one who’s changed me. i look at you sometimes, and i feel- i feel-”

the truck beeps loudly again, jaemin actually poking his head out of the window this time. “_ hurry up, _dammit-”

“and if we could just- if we could just-” renjun’s grimy hands, callused from music, grab donghyuck’s. “if we could do it all again- from the beginning ‘til now- fuck, i’d do it again. i’d do it _ all _ again. with you. just- just _ fucking _once-”

donghyuck feels something clench in his chest, and god does it _ hurt, _the pain in his heart and in his head nearly overtaking him as he brushes a thumb under renjun’s eye. “renjun, it’s okay,” he whispers. “god, renjun-”

and renjun’s buried his face into donghyuck’s chest one last time, and donghyuck holds him tightly, intending to never let him go, but it can’t even be a second later that renjun’s yanked into the truck by one of the other two, the door slamming shut after him, and then-

“_ donghyuck lee!” _

the truck is nearly at the end of the road, but renjun huang, that stupid bastard, has his whole torso out the passenger window, his hair flying everywhere as we waves.

donghyuck can’t help but grin, and waves back reluctantly.

_ “donghyuck lee, i fucking love you!” _

donghyuck beams, the sun right in his eyes, but he doesn’t bother shielding it away. “i fucking love you too, renjun huang!”

donghyuck never sees that truck again, and renjun huang never turns eighteen.

—

_ donghyuck _

_here’s your jacket back._

_don’t forget about me _

_ i love you always _~

_ your friend, renjun. _

**Author's Note:**

> based on kevin abstract's [seventeen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvbUhviRlJs)
> 
> twt cc


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